I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
