I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
