If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
