Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
