I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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