Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your penis caused this!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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