He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
