even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
