No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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