I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
