She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
