mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
