He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
