you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
