good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
