We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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