god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
