I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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