her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
