Apparently you make a good broom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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