i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
