When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
