i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
