I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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