I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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