I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
