My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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