oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
