3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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