Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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