You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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