I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
