If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
