her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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