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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
