no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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