Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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