I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
