and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
