There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
did i just pee glitter
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