I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
