Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
