Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
