I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
