I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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