I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
