evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
