If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you inspire me to be a worse person
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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