apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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