theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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