put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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