I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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