I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
