are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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