I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
