areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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