I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
