my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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