It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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