I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
