Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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