my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
