you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
