i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
