He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
